What do I do if?

I spent this last week in Lansing for a MasterWorks cycle with the Lansing Symphony Orchestra and every time I am there I tend to really think back on my time at Michigan State and how much I have (or in some respects haven't) grown since being there and what exactly might be in my future in terms of my career. I was lucky enough to see Avenue Q while I was a student here and this whole week I have been thinking of the song "Purpose". It starts; "Purpose, it's that little thing that lights a fire under your ass. Purpose keeps you going strong like a car with a full tank of gas!". 

I consider myself to be enthusiastic, optimistic and am constantly reaching for the next thing. I have my down moments of course but my ability to keep working towards my big goals no matter what happens is something that I am very proud of. Given the current status of my art in society though I must admit I have been wondering lately "at what point might this not be feasible? Should I explore other options?"

By no means am I ready to throw in the towel. I had a conversation with my friend Katie recently and she was telling me about how she is gearing up to start her own Music Therapy Practice. She cited me as being a constant source of inspiration for her because of the way that I have been able to start to make something out of literally nothing in terms of my career. I moved to Detroit with no students, no gigs, and no guarantees but have since been able to gain all three. Although I could not support myself the way I am currently working, the potential is there and I am young enough that desperation in terms of financial security has not yet set in. On self reflection though I do worry about how I might be able to make this career full time considering the way a large portion of the public views me and what I do.

Becoming a classical performer took a lot of thought and, frankly, guts. I understand that I will most likely never be rich, famous, or "in demand" so to speak but hopefully I will still be able to live some kind of comfortable and secure life. I don't do this for the recognition. I play because I have to. I need to. I can't live without doing so. Fingers crossed that it all works out in the end but until then I still will be wondering; "What do I do if?"